A M o r b i d S u b j e c t

It's only very recently that I’ve realized what I’m doing with the work and why I am doing it. For the passed threw months I’ve found it very hard to talk about the subject matter and write and reflect on it because the reflection would be analogizing their death and the process of letting go. Although they have been dead for a number of years, I feel as I’m trying to preserve their memory and life and keep them as beautiful as I remember them. I have unconsciously been taking this personal morbid and stressful subject and trying to make it beautiful, because I remember them as being beautiful. It has been a massive battle with myself to analogue their death and the process of moving passed that and admitting, I’m not okay with their death and I probably never will.

I have such a massive collection with these beautiful photographs, slides, film, rings and objects of theirs but yet, they almost feel distressing to me now they don't feel beautiful now, there sad. There a memorial to them and I don't want them too be, I want them to be beautiful, the way I remember them. I think that is why I’m creating more imagery of them because I’m trying to turn thoughts object and collection of photographs, back into how I remember them, sublime.

I think it also goes passed me wanting to make the imagery beautiful again for my selfish need, I think I want to have more of them again, I believe I’m almost trying to create more memories of them after their death. I need more of them in my life because I maybe I never had them for long enough, so this is my way of dealing with it and understanding it.

I never really knew when I started this how or why I was doing this and maybe I still don't and never will but I like to think that if not for my own selfish need of needing them, It’s a beautiful celebration of who they were as people and giving them some tribute after there death.